11 BEST THINGS PARENTS GO THROUGH
(I've only experienced a few so far and cant wait for the rest!)
When you become a parent, the weeks and months fly by, but the days—and nights—can last forever. Yet it's in those endless hours when we experience the best parts of parenthood. Small successes feel as exhilarating as climbing Mt. Everest, and major accomplishments make us burst with joy. Yes, parenting comes with its own unique struggles, but few things in life compare to the following pleasures.
Childbirth
Okay, maybe "pleasure" is the wrong word to describe childbirth; labor and delivery are scary, even if mom opts for the epidural and dad stays in the waiting room. But going through what seems a geometric improbability—fit large oblong object through very, very, very narrow space—endows you with a newfound respect for human life. It is, indeed, a miracle. After all, the female body accomplishes what even the best business minds rarely can: conceive of and launch a new product in just nine months. No R&D budget, PowerPoint presentation or marketing plan required.
First Time Out of the House
Having swaddled your baby like a sausage, covered her soft spot with two pink-and-blue hospital caps, strapped her into the portable "bucket," belted the bucket onto a stroller, looked both ways five times before crossing the street, and walking 1 mph around the neighborhood in 72-degree weather, you return home knowing that you and your child survived the great outdoors without breaking or catching pneumonia. This may seem like a minor achievement, but after this journey your confidence soars. From this point on, anything is possible!
Potty Training
Yes! It's amazing how excited you can get over poop and pee. Fear that your child will graduate from size 6 Cruisers to Depends, instead of underpants, no longer keeps you up at night. In addition to the sense of newfound independence you both feel, there's nothing quite like watching your 3-year-old sit on the toilet as you secretly calculate the money you'll save not buying diapers. Compounded over 15 years, it could pay for his freshman year at college.
Family Meals
As a parent, you rediscover the four main food groups and learn to cook instead of dial for dinner. Better yet, you actually sit down to eat and talk with your family. You'll find out what your kids learned at school. You'll hear their views on current events. Maybe you'll just laugh together. Not every meal will be so satisfying, but sharing mealtime with your family has a way of putting life into perspective, one day at a time.
Playtime
Parenthood is like a time machine. From Candyland to hide-and-seek, patty-cake to reading The Cat in the Hat, playing with your kids awakens memories and senses long forgotten. Every time you build with Legos, dress-up like a princess, re-read Ping, or watch The Wizard of Oz, you'll rediscover a kind of creative, imaginary fun that adulthood rarely accommodates. It can be difficult to exit work time and enter playtime—and trying to forget about office deadlines and pressures—but once you free your mind, you'll live in and enjoy the moment.
Hugs and Kisses
A peck on the cheek at bedtime. A full-body squeeze before you head out to work. Hugs and kisses from your kids are shots of adrenaline, caffeine, and sugar all at once. Shows of affection may get fewer and farther between as children grow older, but each one of them is a natural high.
Seeing Yourself in Your Child
Your daughter inherits your sense of humor and your spouse's corkscrew curls. Even better, she does not inherit your inability to add fractions or your husband's dance moves. Observing the physical and personality traits that manifest themselves in your children—and those that, thankfully, do not—is one of the most gratifying parts of watching your children evolve.
Discovering New Hobbies
Kids introduce us to things we never thought we'd be remotely interested in. Before having my son, I was completely unfamiliar with construction equipment. Now, I can spot a Caterpillar backhoe loader from 500 feet away while driving 60 mph—and I get excited about it! If you hate sports, expect your son to be on the basketball team. If you're tone deaf, don't be surprised if your daughter plays the lead in the school musical. Inevitably they expand our world, making it a more interesting place.
Reliving First Love … and First Heartbreak
When your children fall in love for the first time, you'll briefly long for the giddy, adolescent feeling of the head-to-toe crush, followed by the fireworks of a first kiss—and all those other firsts. But then, you'll watch as they wait for a phone call, a second date, an invite to the prom that never comes. Your heart breaks for your son or daughter, but you're grateful that you never have to feel that particular brand of teenage pain again. First loves are best relived vicariously.
Graduation Days
Whether it's kindergarten, elementary school, high school, college, or beyond, the day your children formally pass from one educational level to another is thrilling, and almost as relieving as potty training. Your deepest fears that they "won't make it" are replaced by overwhelming excitement for their future and pride at the hard work you both put into past education, from their ABCs to their Ph.D.s.
Rediscovering Your Spouse
You think you know your significant other, but having a child casts your partner in a whole new light—not just as a spouse, a lover, or a friend, but as a mother or a father. You'll smile as your partner wrestles with your son, teaches your daughter to drive, or explains why we don't poke the cat. Watching my husband be a dad—patient and silly, gentle and engaged—makes me love him even more.
11 WORST THINGS PARENTS GO THROUGH
(Again I've only experienced a few, and CAN wait for the other :)
It's considered bad form to dwell on the negative aspects of parenting for (at least) two reasons. First off, you got yourself into this mess. Second, parenting is supposed to be about happiness, love, laughter, the passing on of traditions, sleeping in hammocks—you know, all that stuff you see on TV commercials for insurance and investment companies.
As every parent will tell you, raising children really is about all of those good things, and more. The fierce loyalty and admiration we feel toward our kids is undeniable. Still, parenting is one of life's hardest jobs, harder than anyone can know unless they're going through it themselves, and it definitely takes its toll. Perhaps you can identify with many of the following.
Philosophical Acquiescence
Having kids won't change my life, you tell yourself. But somewhere between finding out you're expecting, picking out items for the baby registry ("Why is everything plaid?"), and testing the sometimes turbulent-looking waters of the parenting universe, an inevitability to your new life creeps in: You are a parent, and while life is still great and that little bundle of joy really will make you a drooling, sentimental mess, nothing—not your living space, your free time, nor your personal decisions—will ever be the same. At times you'll honestly wonder: What have I gotten myself into?
Sleep Deprivation
Nothing can prepare you for those first few months (or in some cases years) of waking up every couple hours to change a diaper, prepare a bottle, or walk around the living room in a daze hoping the kid you're cradling will finally call it a night. (They probably will around dawn.) Nursing mothers obviously bear the brunt of this, but dads who want to do their part (and to those who don't: Why are you sitting on the sidelines?) feel the effects too. When you're both this tired it affects everything—your social life, your productivity at home and at work, and your ability to communicate amicably. Watch out for that last one.
The Blowout Diaper
Poop. Better get used to it being everywhere—on the furniture, on your clothes, under your nails. And it's staggering how much poop that little human can store up in its body and, without warning, evacuate all at once. Think Mount Vesuvius. The prudent will stock up on extra baby wipes and take them everywhere the baby goes, just for this moment. My wife and I still refer to our seminal diaper-changing moment as "The Costco Parking Lot." We had the car cleaned afterward.
Public Embarrassment
You're there to support your child through good times and bad. But somewhere along the way your kid will trip and fall in full view of hundreds of people at a basketball game, knocking over a vending machine with a loud crash and bring the event to a halt, and you'll want to hide. Guess what? You can't. (And you won't.) Suddenly your parenting skills are on full display, for better or for worse. Good luck.
Mortality
Whether the deceased is a goldfish or a grandparent, managing your child through the death of someone close is one of the toughest and saddest parts of your job. There's not much you can do to stop the tears, so be prepared to ride it out and fumble your way through big questions like, "Why does anything have to die?" If there's a silver lining, it's that kids seem to bounce back faster than adults do, eventually giving you time to grieve—but only after you've helped them get over the loss.
Marriage Issues
Few things can bring out the differences in people like parenting. You may find that your spouse has other ideas when it comes to praise, discipline, routines, homework, housework … just about everything. And those differences usually arise when times get tough. Plus, the constant "hands-on" nature of parenting means a lot less time alone with your partner. Constant communication and mutual understanding are essential; otherwise, get ready for an uncomfortable and unpredictable ride.
Health Issues
Kids are cute—so cute that germs love them. You can disinfect all you want but you're still going to be wiping noses or cleaning up vomit on a regular basis. This malady comes with a side "benefit": because your immune system is feeling the pressure of getting little sleep and being generally more anxious about life, you get sick, too—far more often than you ever remember before having kids. Welcome to the Petri dish.
Routine
Try as you may to avoid it, parenting has a way of sapping the spontaneity from life. Sure, you can still go shopping or hiking on a whim, but that whim may now include packing snacks, making sure each kid has his favorite toy for the car ride, folding the stroller and putting it and the diaper bag in the back of the minivan, checking twice for full water bottles, telling the car's occupants not once but four times to "go to the bathroom before we leave," enduring World War III in the backseat, someone having to go to the bathroom right away, and turning around after two blocks to return home for whatever it is you forgot. Maybe it's best to just stay home and play in the backyard.
Breakdown
There are times you'll feel at your wits' end, and not in some funny way portrayed in a movie or on a sitcom. When something snaps inside, you feel it and the resulting emotions may be confusing or alarming. Worse, you may have no outlet to deal with them because you're the parent and the show must go on. It feels warm and fuzzy to say these trying moments help you grow as a person, but the reality is that sometimes they don't. Sometimes they take the life right out of you.
Trouble child
You get the call at work to come to school for a meeting with the principal. Turns out little Johnny is the school bully and he just punched three kids and a teacher. You saw the tendencies at home, but now your worst fears are true, and in addition to dealing with school administration you have several other parents to answer to. What did you do wrong, and is fixing the problem coming years too late?
Despite your best efforts to project a calm façade, inside you're wondering if your kids are failing at school, having trouble making friends, hanging out with the wrong crowd, or experimenting in ways that make your skin crawl. As they get older, they spend more time away from you and your protective eyes and arms, and though you try to grant them independence, you dread getting bad news. Suddenly it hits you: You're just like your mom. Somehow that doesn't make you feel any better.
No comments:
Post a Comment